rant

hey, everyone! for this post I think I'm going to rant about this issue that I've been keeping to myself. so  since none of my friends read this blog anyway, I'm just going to let it out.

so apparently, when I don't go to school, people always assume that I'd fake a sickness. Nope, I'm not exaggerating by putting the word 'always' because this didn't only happen once or twice and it's just frustrating sometimes. i'm just tired of having to explain myself to some people who won't even consider what i'm saying.

last month, I didn't go to school because I had a fever because of an inflammation in my throat and my temperature even reached 39 degrees celsius. but unfortunately, I had to go to school the next day because I had to perform a play at school. the day before, I told some of my friends that I might not go to school if my fever was still high in the next morning. Some told me that it was okay and I should be focused on getting better. unfortunately, some replied with "Oh, you were sick? I thought you skipped school" , "that's no big deal, I'm also sick you know, and I still go to school", "I'm also not feeling well but I'm still going to school though" and so on. so the next day I went to school even though I wasn't feeling well and there were some comments like "oh, you were really sick yesterday? I thought you were faking it", "you seem fine" and so on.

I know that my sickness was not serious, but the fact that some people always have negative thoughts about me and assume bad things about me makes me feel like i'm being attacked. I feel like I'm always obligated to clarify and explain myself to people. sometimes I feel really anxious for things like this because I happen to think that people would misjudge me even for writing this post.

last week, I was sick (again) and I wasn't allowed to go to school by my doctor. so the problem was there was an infection on my right eye that caused bloating and made my eye became bloodshot red and itchy. before I went to the doctor, I thought it was only because I got something in my eye and I should be fine the next day so I told my mom that I still wanted to go to school the next day but my mom didn't allow me to do so. I went to the doctor the next day and the doctor told me that my eye was infected by a virus and it can easily spread to other people, so I wasn't not allowed to go to school for three days.

on the third day, I had to attend my seniors' graduation because I was participating in a performance. during the rehearsals, there were some comments like "you seem fine. why didn't you go to school?" , "your eyes seem to be fine you know" and so on. even one of my teachers also said that and to be honest I was hurt because of that.

i don't know if i'm being too sensitive or too idealist but even though this is not a major issue, these kind of things really made my anxiety grew bigger and it doesn't feel good at all. I'm not saying that I want people to pay attention and take care of me when i'm sick, I just want people to not assume bad things about me, doubting, and misjudging me. however, I'm grateful for my friends who worried for me and cared about me.


if you're reading until this passage, thank you so much for reading this long and unnecessary and boring rant.

see you on my next post!